Ode to a hot shower

(note I pulled this image off the internet with a google search for suicide shower head )

They say that you cant really appreciate something until you have lived without it for awhile. I absolutely believe that this is true. Now I don't know how I beat Beck to this Blog topic but I am referring of course to hot showers. The Central American shower is a truly cultural experience. Showering there is not so much a routine as an art form. Any American idiot can fog up a bathroom mirror or sue a landlord after they manage to scald themselves while carrying out their daily ablutions-that's easy! Its practically cheating because American showers have an entire faucet dedicated soley to controlling the flow of preheated, virtually inexhaustible hot water. All you have do do is just turn the tap and vol-la instant 2nd degree burns. Hell yeah!

Now I don't want to ruin it for all of you who are planing to go to Central America at some point in your life, maybe you want to figure this out on your own. If this is the case I would recommend that you skip this blog entry, however, if you take your bathing rituals as seriously as some of us, here are some tips for maximizing the tepidness of your showers in Costa Rica.


Step 1: Figure out how to turn on the water- this is usually very easy as Central American showers only tend to have one tap, turn it one way and the water is on turn it the other way and the water is off. Beautiful.

Step 2: Determine whether or not your shower is equipped with a suicide-flash-heater-unit-thingy-of-death. If present your shower head will be slightly larger than a soft ball with a little slider dial (more on that in a minute) If your are still unsure look for uncovered (most likely sparking)wires running from your shower head and up the wall and probably over to that light switch you flipped when you walked in the bathroom. If your shower head, however, looks like a normal American shower head your are SOL no hot water for you. (hey some losers thing that cold showers are invigorating-sucker!)

Step 3: Make sure that the slide dial thingy is all the way to the left do this BEFORE YOU TURN ON THE WATER!!! This is where self-control comes into the equation. If you are new to this process during the course of your first couple of showers you are going to inevitably question whether or not the dial is set correctly. You are wrongly going to think to yourself 'this shower is f#^$in freezing I must not have set the dial quite right' and you are going to want to fiddle with the the little dial thingy. Do not touch the dial thingy! If you really didn't't set the dial thingy correctly suck it up live with your mistake and take your cold shower soldier, better luck next time. Or you could ignore the fact that you are not only soaking wet but standing in a puddle of water and go ahead and fiddle with the damn thing that is powered by the loose wires stapled to the wall which is now also dripping wet. They say that after a cold shower an electric shock is one on the most invigorating ways to start your day. Now Beck and I have both done some preliminary tests on this subject and while undeniably eyeopening that burning taste in your mouth really makes it difficult to enjoy your gallo pinto and in all likelihood your fingers wont regain feeling until midday not to mention the fact that you have totally set your self up for a bad hair month. But I digress.

Step 4: With your body as far out of the shower as possible turn on the water. This is where the real skill comes in. For the hottest shower you need to keep the water pressure as low as possible while keeping it high enough for the flash heater thingy to turn. The trick is to turn the water up until all of the lights in the house/hotel/pueblo dim, that means the heater is on. Then you turn the water as far down as possible, if the lights come back on you loose, that means the heater is off and you need to start over do not pass go do not collect $200. Now once you think you have a good water pressure you need to let the suicide unit warm the water for a few seconds I highly recommend using this time to have your shampoo bottle opened and ready because after a few minutes of hard work your suicide unit will probably turn off, the lights will turn on, your shower will become instantly cold and you will have to start your water pressure adjustment process all over again. The trick is to anticipate this and be on the other side of the shower blissfully sudsing your hair and well out of blast range so you can start the water flow readjustment process again at your lesiure.

Now one thing that the Costa Rican shower experience has on the American shower experience is entertainment value. Not so much really for the person taking the shower but more for whoever happens to be in the building when an inexperienced showerer is doing their thing. Virtually turning a quiet country home into a disco lounge as he/she clumsily adjusts the lights from the shower. Quite honestly its better than television. Especially when the lighting effects are accompanied by the sounds of Beck (I mean a hypothetical showerer) crashing around, trying to dodge a suddenly freezing steam, or the muttered curses of frustration (yes that is as hot as it gets) or the smell of burning flesh (I told you don't touch that dial when the water is on!) Why didn't we bring a video camera!

Yeah I know now, as I stare at the 3 knobed luxury contraption they call a shower here in Buenos Aires that it is absolutely true sometimes you just cant appreciate the best things in life until they are gone.